It was the night of August 3, 1996. I was on the 28^{th year of a chronic man-wish and rapidly approaching the day when I would be spending the rest of my life in an asylum, with a Prozac drip embedded in my arm.}

Emotionally, I was bouncing back and forth between vagina envy and suicide. When I looked in the mirror, I saw the crossbreed of a Jesus Freak and a freak of nature. I was neurotic, frustrated, horny, lonely, oppressed, depressed and repressed. I didn’t want to be gay but couldn’t resist any longer. I had been praying for help for over 20 years. None came. I had literature and tapes from Exodus at home in my closet, yet I still craved men.

It was this night that confirmed what I had suspected all along…bad things do happen to good people; ignored problems don’t always go away; and my guardian angel likely struggles with an attention deficit. It was the only explanation that made sense. My life was pathetic.

It was with this logic in mind, that I told God I was through resisting and, if He wanted me to leave homosexuality, He was going to have to do it for me, because I was tired of fighting.

I showered, got into my car and made a beeline for New York City, on a crusade to find all the passion, romance and love I had been forever denying myself. I was searching for Keanu, Mel or Antonio. What the Lord sent me was Steve. I thought He was kidding.

Physically, Steve was cute, but the rest of him was a mess. He was nervous, could barely speak and was playing a Spice Girls CD. But, it was almost 3 a.m. and I figured Keanu, Mel and Antonio were probably asleep already, so I took Steve.

Then, as we were about to get down and dirty, out of my mouth came the question, Steve, are you happy being gay because I am miserable and really want out? With the possible exceptions of I think our bed is on fire! and Want to see pictures of my wife and kids?, few statements can kill passion as quickly. Steve pulled away and studied me for a minute in silence. He then said, I don’t want this either, Robert.

Instead of sex, we talked for over eight hours. I invited him to my apartment to look at the Exodus materials and maybe work on this gay stuff together. Today, over two years later, we are no longer prisoners to those homosexual drives and urges. I can also see, in retrospect, it was the Lord who made me ask Steve that question, because I had absolutely no intention of ruining the great passion I was about to have. I praise God for sending me Steve. Finally, I had the support and friendship I needed to overcome my homosexuality.

Why am I telling you this? Because so many of us are fighting the battle against homosexuality alone. And we are losing. We are losing our integrity, we are losing our dreams and we are losing our families. You need support to overcome this thing and, luckily, caring help is available.

We have tried to lace these pages with all the whacked out emotions and situations previously experienced by men who used to struggle with homosexuality and have since found victory over it. We want you to see that others have beaten this gay thing. We want to help you to identify feelings, so you can work to gain control over them. But, even more importantly, we want to help you find some humor in this ironic situation you never asked for. If you can manage to roll with it and take yourself less-seriously while working to resolve it, you may find it an easier path.

We wish to take the liberty to provide information on how to get in touch with Exodus International. Exodus is a Christian-based group which helps men and women overcome the gay addictions that are destroying them. If you are unhappy with your life as it is, you owe it to yourself to contact them. That’s how we started on the road to recovery.

Exodus International North America Phone: (888) 264-0877

P.O. Box 540119 e-mail: info@exodusnorthamerica.org

Orlando, FL 32854 Website: www.exodusintl.org

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