Restlessness- the quality of staying home on a Saturday night to play solitaire and, in an exaggerated gesture, sweeping your arm across the table and knocking all the cards to the floor, because you can’t stand playing with someone who cheats.

Boredom- when you think nothing of spending $350 on new shelving units and dedicating four hours to meticulously refolding your shirts and sweaters, so you can make your bedroom closet look like a Macy’s display…because you have nothing else better to do.

Recovery- what occurs when the desire to stuff the glory hole in the men’s room stall with toilet paper gains favor over the desire to stuff it with your right eye.

Panic- the emotion that hits while being 50 miles away from home and not being able to remember if you shut down your computer or left it on with the GIF of man #0287 still occupying your screen.

Irony- getting word that your old high school football captain (the one who used to pick on you and call you sissy in the fifth grade) is now in high heels and a feather boa, lip-synching to Whitney Houston for tips somewhere in Miami.

Incompatability- trying to live out the gay life and the Christian walk at the same time. Your mind races back to the first night you went to a gay piano bar, and the unforgettable look on the pianist’s face when you handed him a five dollar bill with your request written on a cocktail napkin, and he blurted out Honey, what is a Stephen Curtis Chapman?

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