In Layman Terms
At the 1999 Exodus Conference in Wheaton, Illinois, I met a man named Henry in one of the seminars. We started to chat and I asked him his opinion of the conference so far. He said it was his first time at Exodus and he was happy to be there, but he confessed to being somewhat confused by the technical language we throw around. He told me a glossary in the back of the conference manual would be helpful to assist first-timers.
Henry's recommendation played on my brain throughout the week. My mind wandered back to my first few months in the gay lifestyle, when I was scanning the personal ads for a boyfriend. I remembered how I felt just as confused with the gay community's jargon as Henry was with ours. Then, after a few dates, I learned the art of translation. For example:
Enjoys quiet evenings at home means one or all of the following:
A. He’s cheap.
B. His driver’s license has been revoked.
C. He wants his current lover to return home and walk in on you because they are fighting and he wants revenge.
Friendship First becomes Sex second, if you turn out to be cute.
Looking for L.T.R. translates to What are you doing for the rest of my weekend?
Tired of the bar scene means He did the math and figured out he can get the same buzz at home for less.
I work out five days a week is P.C. for therefore I will have but two for you.
New to the scene means He's grown bored sneaking around men's rooms and is ready now to be openly gay.
Swimmer’s Build: I learned to be cautious with this one. I forgot that Charlie the Tuna, Jaws, and the Little Mermaid swim too.
It was just a matter of deciphering the truth behind the terms. I reasoned if Henry was struggling with Exodus vocabulary, others might be confused as well. So, following Henry's suggestion, here is my attempt to explain, in layman terms, some of the technical jargon:
Pursuing Sexual Wholeness: Healing past hurts and childhood traumas which are making it a challenge for you to stay dressed for extended periods of time.
No One Is Born Gay: We have yet to hear an obstetrician exclaim in the delivery room You are the proud parents of a healthy, seven-pound, lesbian baby girl.
Breaking the Pattern of Sexual Addiction: Introducing the word "no" into your vocabulary, and learning to use it with authority. (For those wishing to not cause anyone to feel rejected, you may substitute the greeting Hello, I am an on-duty cop, which we find works just as well, without the risk of hurt feelings.)
Accountability Partner: When you say you are stepping out to the supermarket, his job is to make sure you don’t pick up anything (or one) that wasn’t on your shopping list. (He is also privy to review the list before you leave.)
Gender Identity Disorder: Suspiciously asking yourself for a second form of I.D. when you see the “Male” box checked on your driver’s license.
Establishing healthy, same-sex relationships: Male bonding where the primary enjoyment is found in exposing yourselves to new adventures and fellowship, not each other.
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